Maybe I don’t have that courage,
the kind it takes to suffer with a smile, the kind it takes to keep up the facade of I’m okay,
I’m okay if you leave me. I’m okay if you can no longer handle the bite of my words despite the softness, the warmth of my hands,
my eyes. Eyes always on you, always looking for you, always loving you. Maybe I’m not
strong enough to continue the game of chess my mind plays with my heart, the irrationality of my mind winning every time.
Maybe I’m not brave enough to tell you the things I say to myself in my sleep, the things I say when I’m alone, when I’m working, when I do anything. Maybe
you wouldn’t understand. You can only understand the hurt and stress I unintentionally throw into your life.
Yes, I’m a mess. I’m a mess but I love you. And my love, I see it, I can see your patience has run clear out but please, please
don’t you dare leave me here with myself.